I’ve had a few good days, but I’m concerned that the bad feelings will come back.

The sane, rational part of me says, “Yes, they will. Bad feelings come to everybody sometimes. But feelings are not facts. And they usually don’t last for very long (it just seems like they do.)”

I think part of the problem is that my obsessive brain doesn’t know what to do when life is ordinary. Nothing wonderful is happening, nothing terrible is happening...and my obsessive brain has trouble with that.

My obsessive brain doesn’t know what to do when things are just ordinary. So it tries to either 1) stir up some excitement; or 2) look for something to get anxious about.

I’m presently doing a lot of self-work both in a 12-Step program and with my anxiety. I need to come up with an option 3 for my overactive brain.

I think a huge part of my problem is obsessiveness. Whatever is the most important priority to me is what I’m going to focus on, with a laser focus. I’m going to obsess, ruminate, overthink, and neglect other important parts of my life.

When I was younger I would even pray to God and offer to trade in something good that I had, in return for what I really wanted. I finally figured out that God doesn’t do trades like that.

I guess I have a minor obsession with recovery and mental health lately. I find myself going to the 12 Step, ADAA, and Psych Central websites, when I feel needy. That helps.

But sometimes I wish my brain would Just. Shut. The Hell. Up.