Oh, it feels nice to read that But, as you say, the ambivalence is huge and while one part of you generates reasons for not going, another part of you searches for reasons to go. So, I don't think my post was anything special in this respect - it was probably just in a right place and right time to serve for this other part of you as a reason to go. You may disagree, but I find it quite likely that if it would not have been my post then probably something else would have served similarly well for that purpose.

But it's good that you went and it's good that you were able to address the elephant a bit. I don't know if it is of any interest to you but in my therapy I also talk about basically the same things every f.... day over and over. I've understood that this is the essential therapy work. It does not look on the surface as if one immediately achieves anything by doing that and for some people it might even look that you are just wasting time and not addressing the real issues. But as I said in my previous post, to me it seems that most "real" issues are surface-level symptoms and the real issues don't look like "real" issues at all. But if you somehow are able to grasp or change anything in the real issue level then it very likely brings along significant changes also in various surface-level issues. Some people prefer to work directly on the surface-level stuff and I suppose that's ok too. I've found it useless and meaningless for me.