I'm sorry you are having this difficulty. I'm not the member you're looking for here on PC. But I noticed no one had yet replied to your post. So I thought I would at least say hello & offer you my best wishes as you struggle to deal with your food-related concerns. Hopefully there will yet be other members who will reply.

Here's a link to an article from Psych Central's archives, by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. on the subject of eating disorders. The article provides links to quite a few other articles on various related subjects:

Eating Disorders: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

My best wishes to you...