Hi! It's great that you are acknowledging your concerns and seeking out help. Would it be possible to find a therapist and get healing for the hurt feelings of yours from the traumatic childhood experience. Letting yourself heal helps to get the hurtfull emotions our of your backpack so that there's more space for joy and peace.
I have no clue where you live and if anything like that is around but to me courses on bonding and supporting emotional needs of children have helped to fill what I've missed out living in a disfunctional family.
Remember that you are a good mother as you care for your children and you wish them better life than you have gone through. Don't judge yourself, you are doing the best you can at the given circumstances. Reach out for help, it will be there.