For someone who has suffered from a toxic abusive and controlling individual, that person was very disrespected. So, when the person talks about how they were abused and suffered, it's important that person get RESPECTED for their hurt instead of being dismissed in some way simply because the person they are reaching out to or happens to hear their challenge decides that if it's not important to them, something they never experienced that it's not worth respecting. So, in fact what a victim ends up with is a double wammy of being disrespected twice. So, in effect, this is what victim blaming means where someone is very challenged and hurt by someone who was very disrespectful and when they try to reach out for support or help they end up with statements that are not helpful, can even be disRESPECTFUL as if to play down and dismiss how they were treated so badly. Actually, it can even encourage this person to experience even more shame than they are already suffering from in that they somehow failed to stop the abuse from taking place in the first place.