Just got home from seeing L. Hoo boy what a super emotional session THAT was! I was totally bawling, tears streaming down my face the whole 9 yards. I was a mess. She was drumming for me at the time and I just lost it. While she was drumming I heard this message come through clearly from deep inside me that said "Stop holding on so damn tight. Let go!! Just ****ing LET GO!!" and that terrified me because I don't want to be the destruction. I am afraid that if I just let go and be myself, I would be like a tornado, like a massive storm, and wreak havoc on my life as I know it now. If I just let go and be myself, I wouldn't worry about H, or what my Mother and the rest of my family thinks, I would end my marriage and I would BE the destruction that I so fear. I haven't cried that hard in a looooong time. I think I have earned a glass of wine....