I’ve been convinced for some years now that I am in one of three pickles. Either the people around me wherever I go can hear my thoughts, or maybe I’m just lost in the sauce, suffering from meth-induced psychosis, or I’m schizophrenic, hallucinating and delusional.
But there are a few experiences that I can’t come up with an explanation for that lead me to believe the first of those.

First of all, multiple times I have been ran out of different cities. I find it hard to believe that I could hallucinate the sheer amount of people I saw, let alone how realistic they appeared (nothing like some corner-of-your-eye, formless silhouette, which I also do often see). They were whole people walking and driving.

Secondly, I had one experience my first time attending a new church where the pastor seemed to be responding to every thought I was having, as soon as I thought it, for a matter of minutes. It went something like this.
“I don’t know if I should be here”
“If you’re asking yourself if you’re in the right place, the answer is of course!”
“Oh my God, did he just respond to that thought??”
“Maybe you feel like I know what you’re thinking? Rest assured-“
“Holy **** he has to know what I’m thinking, it’s like he’s speaking to me, for me.. w.t.f.”
“And if you think that I’m speaking directly to you, I probably am.”
“Sorcery. This has to be for something other than good, this is bad, big time”
“You might think that this is something malevolent, that there’s no way that this could be for the Lord-“
“I gotta get the **** out of here”

Needless to say, I never went back to that church. But the voices I’d hear remained. They have been saying the same thing since it started, and that is for me to stop talking to myself. I recognize I have always had an internal dialogue that is non-stop, so much so that I sometimes have to take a deep breath just to stop these meaningless conversations. And the meth doesn’t help at all. But the thought that other people are being bothered by my thoughts, that they can’t hear themselves think, is something I can hardly live with. I have tried to stop thinking or meditating multiple times a day, if only for 30 seconds at a time, for years. But either I think of something I don’t want to or they continue to tell me to stop talking to myself, to which I reply that I wasn’t, but they assure me I am still talking, apparently hearing thoughts I don’t even know I’m thinking.

Third, though the voices I hear come through many mediums (as thoughts in my head, as people’s voices from outside (which is terrifying), through the t.v., and also from people’s bluetooth/hands-free in their cars as they pass by) the most troublesome is by far the thoughts. This is because, as it’s been explained to me, my thoughts are so loud that these people cannot hear themselves think. Consequently, they stop talking/thinking after about 2 words to say “stop talking over me” or “stop talking to yourself”. My inability to listen to their thoughts without thinking them myself (and in my case, loudly) has been the main barrier stopping me and the voices around me from communicating effectively for years now. I list this as the third reason why I don’t think myself to be hallucinating because I have done lots of research up to this point and have yet to find any schizophrenics who find it nearly impossible to talk with their voices. My situation seems relatively unique in that aspect. Whether that just means that I’m unique in my inability to listen to someone’s thoughts without repeating each and every word, and so loudly that they would stop thinking mid-thought, I do not know.

Last but not least, I think of myself as a logical, rational person and not the type to be able to be convinced of anything inconsistent. I need an explanation that makes sense to me and explains every part of what I’ve been going through. So far the idea that I have done something to my brain from years of meth to cause me to broadcast my thoughts and hear those of others within a certain distance makes more sense than that I am delusional. Mostly because my delusions are so consistent and detailed and on the rare occasion that someone else can get a whole thought through, they usually are telling me something that I have no knowledge of before-hand.

I do not believe that I am suffering from psychosis for two reasons . First is because this is my only positive symptom for schizophrenia, this “thought-broadcasting”. And second, I have left the meth alone for 1-3 months a few different times in the last few years since all this started (a month or two after picking up the pipe) and this symptom stays. It gets quieter, somewhat, but it’s still there. And even if it did go away, I don’t think that that is sufficient reason to conclude that it was not really happening.

I also see nearly invisible, translucent people and sometimes animals around my house and outside too which is a common thing among crystal meth users, the community refers to them as shadow people. I can walk right through them and they don’t seem to be too bothered by it. They speak to me too but their words come to me exclusively as thoughts as opposed to real voices. I find that interesting. They are the ones that want (or need..) me to stop talking to myself.

Oh and the voices I hear also claim to see what I visualize. They probably don’t have any reason to lie but I wouldn’t know because as soon as I picture something (a shape, tool etc.), I think of what it’s called.

I recognize the possibility that I am only hearing the translucent figures and not my neighbors. But I don’t understand how I also hear people’s voices, coming not as thoughts but through my ears, from different distances outside identical to any other person I’ve heard walk down the street.

The people in my life all claim that they don’t hear anything. I imagine they say this only to keep me from accepting the sad truth, that they can and do hear every one of my thoughts. If they do then they would be aware of all the suicidal thoughts I have daily, and tell me anything to keep me from acting on them.


Anybody have any thoughts on this? I have been taking 2 of my antipsychotic (Vraylar)daily for about a week now hoping this will go away asap but I'm not sure it will as I'm convinced this is real.


Below I’ve copy and pasted some things I find that online that relate to my situation.


newlightbody.org/hearing-other-peoples-thoughts.html
Jun 28, 2015
Telepathy, Schizophrenia, or Drug Addiction?
by: Anonymous

…up until i started messin with crystal. Full blown visions, seeing creatures from.other dimensions offering knowledge and power, hearing the thoughts of neighbors as if they could somehow see me. Every sound seemed to have a deeper hidden meaning, almost as a.response, same with tv nd radio. Then i went into myself and somehow made a.deal to stay alive by "jumping" again. I stopped using, but since then the.voices wont stop, and not only.can i.hear them, they can supposedly hear me too. They say they hear me, but wont tell me. My thoughts seem to affect reality, things people say or things tht happen, but its just technically classified as paranoid schizophrenia.



I just liked the way he said this
tapatalk.com/groups/schizotypal/thought-broadcasting-telepathy-t227.html
@agitprop
2:45 PM - May 27, 2009#3
My perception of the collective unconscious is that it is a large pool of water, we all swim in and contribute to, with our thoughts, feelings, sensations, etc. We congregate in different areas of this ocean of thought, but we are all connected. Our thoughts and preoccupations feed a stream that runs into the greater collective. When we are close to others, particularly in an intellectual way, and start feeding the same streams, we aren't "reading their minds" broadcasting our thoughts to them, etc...We are simply "on the same page" to an astonishing degree. I guess another analogy would be we are swarming with them, like flocks of starlings, who don't have to "read thoughts", but act of "their own" volition. By virtue of the fact that the term "their own" becomes amorphous in this arrangement, it simply amplifies the idea that the skull isn't a discreet capsule, but a semi permeable membrane, and much of what happens on a mental level is osmotic, in nature.

I don't think it serves the schizotaxic and schizophrenic community well to dismiss parapsychology. Hallucination, telepathy and concrete reality exist on a weird continuum, that's poorly understood by science. Giving moral validation to every perceived communication with the dead, invisible acquaintances, etc.. is also not a great idea. The mystic swims in the same waters that psychotics are prone to drown in. The pyschiatric community has to somehow navigate through some difficult epistemological waters, here.

Personally I would NEVER give a very clear "voice in my head" any control or influence over my life. On a mystical level, it's akin to breaking and entering the sanctuaries we create within our own minds. Ignore these voices with extreme prejudice.




livesensical.com/podcast/think-grow-rich/brain-thought-broadcasting-receiving-station/

…Contrary to widespread opinion, they do not improve when the percipient is asleep or half-asleep, but, on the contrary, when he is most wide-awake and alert. Rhine discovered that a narcotic will invariably lower a percipient’s score, while a stimulant will always send it higher.



Think and Grow Rich (Ch. 13)
roblewis.com/wp-content/uploads/Think-And-Grow-Rich_2008-10.pdf

…The Creative Imagination is the "receiving set" of the brain, which receives thoughts, released by the brains of others. It is the agency of communication between one's conscious, or reasoning mind, and the four sources from which one may receive thought stimuli. When stimulated, or "stepped up" to a high rate of vibration, the mind becomes more receptive to the vibration of thought which reaches it through the ether from outside sources. This "stepping up" process takes place through the positive emotions, or the negative emotions. Through the emotions, the vibrations of thought may be increased. Vibrations of an exceedingly high rate are the only vibrations picked up and carried, by the ether, from one brain to another. Thought is energy travelling at an exceedingly high rate of vibration. Thought, which has been modified or "stepped up" by any of the major emotions, vibrates at a much higher rate than ordinary thought, and it is this type of thought which passes from one brain to another, through the broadcasting machinery of the human brain. …