Well, I am borderline bi polar, perhaps...
Never wanted to hurt others physically or mentally, but have had partners that wanted that the physical roughness, not outright punching or beating them.
Most of my relationships were mentally, verbally abusive though and at one time I did punch one woman. Never have actually gotten over that, since that is just not who I am.
I am sorry to hear of others actually wanting abusive relationships, but can understand to a point.
I'm 75 years old and not in a relationship for many years. No looking but if I met the right person it could happen.
I am wondering if the need to be abused stems from bi polarity or just perhaps being abused as a child.
In the past, I've been able to be a bit rough if that was requested but not really feeling good about it and not getting anything out of it for myself. I would hope that if partners loved each other that ways to work these needs out would be found.
Best of life and love to you.