I’m hoping people may be able to help me with how I should respond to the subject of having children now that my reasons for not having them have changed.
I’ve never wanted children of my own, I made the decision as a child that IF I ever had children, I would adopt. I remember having a conversation about it when I was 5 or 6 years old. I have never questioned that decision since. But almost every time the conversation of whether or not I have children comes and if I want them comes up, I have to deal with the whole ‘I didn’t want kids and now I have 3’, ‘you could change your mind, never say never’, ‘well I’ll see you in 5 years and you’ll have kids’. This has always frustrated me as I feel like people often think that because I’m a female it’s my goal in life to have kids and that women want them. I’m not going to lie and say I love kids, I’m not a very broody person and I’m not good at communicating with them. I’m kind of like ‘do I pat it?’, ‘how many times a day do I need to take it for walk?’ whenever I am in a situation where I need to interact with a child. So it’s safe to say I’ll probably never be a mother. But I’ve always been set that if I did, I would adopt. And I’ve never understood why that is constantly debated when I bring it up.

But now my situation has changed, and it’s no longer a case of ‘I don’t want children of my own’ but ‘I can’t have children of my own’ (shout out to cancer for making that happen). Despite my stance on having kids, it was still a very traumatic decision to make. The power of it being a choice was taken from me, and though I was never going to use it a part of me was taken away. And because of this, I’ve found I’ve been fretting a bit about that conversation coming up in the future and how to respond now. I know this conversation will come up again, and I don’t know what to say. I could keep saying what I always have said, but when people pull the ‘you’ll probably change your mind’ line on me, that’s really going to hit a nerve. I could be honest say it’s not a possibility, but that may open up a whole new conversation I may not be in the mood for (anyone who’s had cancer knows just what those conversations can be like).

Is there anyone who may have been through a similar experience (whether or not you wanted children doesn’t matter) or any advice someone can give on how to respond to this subject, so I am more prepared for when it happens?