bdgirl,

I can tell you one thing for certain, you are not a retard and you have very good writing skills for a 14 year old. Regarding your mother, I suggest you seek counseling in some way. My mother also was incredibly abusive to me, although only in an emotional form. Take comfort that I have lived a long time past the abuse, but you will need to rectify inside you what your mom never gave you--healthy love. I applaud you coming onto this website and seeking help, that is quite a mature decision for someone your age.

Hopefully, the school counselor can get you assigned to a proper child psychologist. You will need therapy to heal and overcome the vicious nature of your mother. I wish I had gone to therapy myself, but I didn't have the knowledge that therapy existed. If you don't seek counseling, you will suffer like I did. You will need to understand that what your mother is doing is not your fault and learn to cope.

Perhaps eventually, if you can get the county involved, your father will gain the courage to leave your mother and take you with him. This is not a proper environment for you.

Kudos to you,

--sarc