Hey all. To start things off, I'm a black (race is important and I'll explain why later) AFAB (assigned female at birth) and nonbinary queer person. I understand that some people see "queer" as a slur but I identify that way.

So, I've been feeling lonely as of late. I've only ever been in one relationship in my life and it wasn't even a healthy one. It was toxic, right from the start of our friendship. It really messed me up. It took a while for me to heal from it and I'm in a pretty good place where I'm ready to actually be in a relationship. The issue is trying to date people.

My social anxiety disorder keeps me back from getting out there and meeting people. I HAVE tried online dating for a long time, off and on for years, but I wasn't successful. I also tried going to groups but I stopped going because my anxiety was through the roof and I dissociated a couple of times. My close friends are in long-term relationships and, while I'm very happy for them, it really makes me feel...well, lonely. I know I'm only in my late 20s but I'm at that age where some people I grew up with are getting married and it's really dawning on me how difficult it is to find someone. I know it's not just me. Some other people who I know are also struggling. But it would be nice to know what it's like to be in a healthy, loving, fulfilling, long-term relationship.

Being queer and black doesn't help because, even though I live in a major city, it's hard to find other queer individuals, especially queer individuals who aren't racist. A lot of people think the queer community is all "kumbaya and let's hold hands" but that couldn't be further from the truth. There is a LOT of division in the community, especially as of late, and that makes it harder.

I'm thinking of trying online dating again and seeing how that goes. I'm a bit hesitant because I've been unsuccessful every time I've tried it but it couldn't hurt, I suppose.

Anyways, yea. I'm feeling lonely and I'm trying to keep my head up but it's hard.

Thanks for reading.