Sorry to hear you had a rough go it in your youth. I will say that there is nothing inherently wrong with your fetishes. I too am a fan of BDSM. But that doesn’t make me a weirdo. Everybody has their own kinks and a lot are too embarrassed to admit/explore them.

I don’t think you should try and change who you are for the benefits of others. You need to remain truthful with yourself. Which I know is easier said than done. Believe me I wish I would take my own advice.

Keep your chin up and be truthful to yourself.