Why not?

I hear this sentiment a lot in regards to certain relationships where one or both parties is, shall we say, in need of improvement. But who is arguing this? And why? In my most humble opinion - perhaps unpopular, but we'll see - I think it's perfectly possible to change someone. Even against their will.

We readily accept that an emotional abuser can change their partner by using a cocktail of manipulations in order to wear down their self-esteem and sense of identity. Naturally, no one in their right mind would allow someone else to wreck their self-esteem, so the emotional abuser is changing them against their will. Why can't the opposite be true? Why can't we change someone for the better?

Perhaps it isn't a matter of cannot, but ought not, particularly if we're trying to do so against the will of our intended targets by using underhanded tactics. But that's a different matter entirely, and I think it's a bit dishonest to say that we cannot change people.

In fact, I'd argue that change is inevitable. The trick is becoming more cognizant of how we change each other and learning to do so in mutually beneficial ways.

Disclaimer: I'm not arguing that one should stay in an emotionally abusive relationship with the intention of trying to change one's abuser. That isn't a battle worth fighting.