I should point out I completely empathize with addiction. My family on both sides struggled with addiction. I get it. I really do. And I want so badly to support him. But he doesn’t want to stop no matter the costs. And so it’s not that I hate addicts. Or that I look down on them. Heck- I’ve struggled with alcohol when I was younger and had to stop myself because I saw what happened to my family. I haven’t touched a drop in over 10 years. I don’t want that for myself. So I think this reaction is two fold. Because I don’t like seeing how it’s hurting him, and how it’s making him lie- but also I’m around things all the time and I worry it’s going to tempt me. Yknow? And I don’t want that for myself. He already bad mouths me because I don’t tolerate drinking. I just can’t have it around me. And he accuses me of controlling him and not letting him relax. I don’t mind him drinking a bit. But when he’s downed a six pack in 30 min, I get uneasy.

Sigh. I love who he is when he’s not on something. But when he is or when he’s without and needs it- he just gets mean. Cranky.