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sarahsweets · Sep 05, 2019 at 01:26 AM

Welcome @Eabtrees
I am so sorry its so hard for you. I have a unique perspective I think. I am a daughter of an alcoholic/drug addict father (who died when he was 47 due to complications involving his heart-I am 44 now) and an alcoholic in recovery. I have seven years of sobriety and used a 12 step program to stop. Since being in AA I have lost 5 people directly as a result of alcoholism and an assorted mix to OD's. An alcoholic death is miserable and hellish. You stop eating. You have neurological impairments that affect your thinking, you gait and your movements. Tremors. Combative irrational outbursts, easily start to withdraw within hours of last drink. Suicidal, isolating, abusive, incontinent. Obsessed with alcohol supply-running out or getting more. Esophagus bleeds, ulcers, bowel issues, cancer, cirrosis, liver issues.. you know the deal. I can assure you first hand that I have literally watched someone decline and die this way when they were unable to accept help. I realized that I could not be a part of that ever again. I work with other alcoholics as a part of my recovery. When I have tried everything, and the family has tried everything you have to tell the loved one something like " I (we) have tried to get you help and support you but you are refusing or unable to accept it. I love you but I can not watch you die. Continuing this relationship while you are doing this to yourself makes me complicit in your actions and possibly your death. I can not bear that weight or guilt so I need to distance myself from you". And then do it. Hold your bottom line. Its up to you of course. With parents there is tons of guilt on us kids but do you want your last memories of your mom to be 100lbs of alcoholic misery? Do you want to be her death caretaker? Only you can decide that but I promise you it will haunt you for the rest of your life.