I spent half half the session crying. I brought up the Jurrasic park movies saying that they never learnt- humans and dinosaurs didn't mix, because they couldn't be controlled. He asked who was the dinosaur in our relationship. I said that would be me and he should be afraid of me.

I said I didn't like the lovey-dovey thing that was going on between us, that I had no more anger left. That I couldn't even get angry about emails (He's been x10 much better with out of session contact and let me text him). That I liked it when we had ruptures.

He made the point that when I cried, like a baby I wanted him to know what was wrong without words.

He apologized for not being a better therapist. Said that he hoped one day I would see myself as he saw me.I was all good.The shame I brought and carried I had learnt from experience and not all of it was my own.

I said i would see him when I saw him. ((He's letting me not have fixed session slots and to contact him when I want to arrange an appointment. ))