View Single Post
Animallover4ever
Newly Joined
Animallover4ever has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: NC
Posts: 1
3 yr Member
Confused Sep 09, 2019 at 01:18 AM
 
There is something about me that makes me so insignificant to people. I’m not sure what it is, but I often find that I’m ignored, interrupted or flat out invisible. I can’t think of any situation where someone has taken notice or cared about anything I have ever said or done. I try to talk to people, but they seem completely uninterested as you watch them gazing off, looking for an out. I have always been told that I have a wonderful personality and fun to be around. But since moving to a new area over five years ago, I am losing all confidence in myself. I used to feel worthy, beautiful, desired, fun and interesting. For the last five years though, I have not been able to make friends. I try! I try to engage in conversation, but the blank and uncaring stare from everyone makes it really difficult to continue on.

I have been with my boyfriend for over five years now too. He has multiple groups of friends who want nothing to do with me. I watch new people come into those groups and they are fully accepted with open arms. I often find myself trying to squeeze into the circle of conversations. At least so I’m not just staring at someone’s back, which is not uncommon, and looking like a weirdo.

Group A of his friends is a mixture of men and women of probably around 25-30 people. It varies in age too, so quite diverse. That group started with 5 people when I met my boyfriend. It has grown that much. They have a group text that every single one of those people is a part of, including my boyfriend. Even though some have been part of the group for less than a year, they are on that group text. I’ve been around for a lot longer and have never been invited or not even a hint to ask if I want to be on the group chat. The group chat is for reaching out to others to make plans and see what each other is doing if someone gets bored, etc. They keep each other informed of events as well. Not only that, these friends just act like I don’t exist. I try to talk to them and I could be telling an amazing story or something completely relatable to them, but I am always cut off. Everyone else is listened to. Apparently what others have to say is way more important. I can’t tell you how many times I have started with an opening line of “what have you been up to?”, “what did you get into last weekend?”, etc. I always get a variety answer of “not much” and at that point they turn to talk to someone else. Over five years and I’m still not accepted. It really takes a toll on me to keep trying. Sometimes I wonder if I should just move on from my boyfriend as to avoid having to deal with this.

Group B is a similar situation. However, this group is all female. The main few girls I’ve known now for over five years. The group has expanded to about 12 now. I just learned from another girl (who is new to the group) that there’s a group chat with them too. She asked me “are you in the group text?” Wow, was that a hit because no, I’m not and this is the first I’m hearing of it. She didn’t know of my exclusion. She actually is the only one who has been accepting of me, which has felt nice for once. But since she’s part of the larger group, I’m not sure how much we will get to know each other. Mainly because I feel like I’ve already been discarded by the larger group and if she’s a follower at all, then I’ll be ignored by her eventually. This group chat is the same as Group A...to make plans with each other. As with Group A as well, I’m constantly interrupted and/or ignored.

One final note that may or may not be related to my feeling of insignificance. As mentioned, I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. I’ve watched soooo many “friends” who have dated for 2 years or less go on to get married and start their lives. By the way, I haven’t been invited to any of those weddings, but I digress. Anyway, it does make me feel sad that I’ve been with him for so long and no sign of marriage at all. He claims that I’m “the one”, but I’m a level-headed gal who believes actions speak louder than words. So to watch all of these “young” relationships develop much faster than ours does sort of make me feel not worthy. Like “what do these girls have that I don’t?” It doesn’t help that I know about him and his ex who dated for 5 months were talking marriage before they broke up. So, here I am over 5 years in and no talk. Also, the women in my family are all with men that do ANYTHING for them. I don’t have that, for sure. It’s disheartening because I wonder what’s wrong with me. Why are they put on a pedestal and I’m not? I would love to be doted on! Again, what do these women have that I don’t?

**if you have made it this far, thank you sooo soo much and I promise there’s not much more**

My customers seem to love me. I always make them laugh or have intelligent conversations with them. Just depends on the situation. But, that has given me a glimmer that I’m not this dull human being that my boyfriend’s friends have made me believe that I am. However, my customers are my customers and I don’t like to mix business with pleasure. So I can’t even consider them friends. The glimmer I have with customers doesn’t last because it only takes an instant with Group A or B to make me feel worthless again.

Nothing can make invisibility easier to deal with in any way, whether you’ve dealt with this your whole life or new to it. I used to be popular, always nice and people genuinely loved being around me. You can tell these things. Nothing about me has changed other than a few extra pounds, so what HAS changed? Why am I all of a sudden a plague these last five years? I have never done anything to any one of these people. I’m always friendly, supportive and smiling. I’m not so much worried about making friends at this point as I am worried about what in me has changed that people seem to not like.

One thing is for sure, I’m not imagining or having a pity party in any sense. I have been witnessing this for far too long for it to be my imagination at this point. I truly want to get to the bottom of this and not be so insignificant and invisible. My self-confidence and self-esteem is at an all-time low. On top of that, I’m not sure about depression, but I often feel down because of everything. I feel so unworthy and sad! Can someone please give some insight or tell me how to overcome invisibility?
Animallover4ever is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Bill3, Fuzzybear, Mendingmysoul, Purple,Violet,Blue, Yzen
 
Thanks for this!
Bill3, Skeezyks