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sarahsweets · Sep 09, 2019 at 01:44 PM

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Originally Posted by Animallover4ever

I have been with my boyfriend for over five years now too. He has multiple groups of friends who want nothing to do with me. I watch new people come into those groups and they are fully accepted with open arms. I often find myself trying to squeeze into the circle of conversations. At least so I’m not just staring at someone’s back, which is not uncommon, and looking like a weirdo.

Does your bf notice that his friends ignore you? How does he feel about it?

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Group A of his friends is a mixture of men and women of probably around 25-30 people. It varies in age too, so quite diverse. That group started with 5 people when I met my boyfriend. It has grown that much. They have a group text that every single one of those people is a part of, including my boyfriend. Even though some have been part of the group for less than a year, they are on that group text. I’ve been around for a lot longer and have never been invited or not even a hint to ask if I want to be on the group chat. The group chat is for reaching out to others to make plans and see what each other is doing if someone gets bored, etc. They keep each other informed of events as well. Not only that, these friends just act like I don’t exist.

Have you ever asked if you can join the text? Have you asked your bf if you can be included?

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Over five years and I’m still not accepted. It really takes a toll on me to keep trying. Sometimes I wonder if I should just move on from my boyfriend as to avoid having to deal with this.

Do you think they are deliberately trying to exclude you? Like they are collectively out to get you because they hate you? Is it possible that their assumption is that you enjoy being a listener or that you are low key? Its still not fair because they are obviously self absorbed to cut you off mid-sentence to talk about themselves or each other.\

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Group B is a similar situation. However, this group is all female. The main few girls I’ve known now for over five years. The group has expanded to about 12 now. I just learned from another girl (who is new to the group) that there’s a group chat with them too. She asked me “are you in the group text?” Wow, was that a hit because no, I’m not and this is the first I’m hearing of it. She didn’t know of my exclusion. She actually is the only one who has been accepting of me, which has felt nice for once. But since she’s part of the larger group, I’m not sure how much we will get to know each other. Mainly because I feel like I’ve already been discarded by the larger group and if she’s a follower at all, then I’ll be ignored by her eventually.

So I understand.... your bf is friends with a group of all women? When the new girl asked if you were in the group text did you ever consider saying "No, but I'd like to. Can you invite me?"

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One final note that may or may not be related to my feeling of insignificance. As mentioned, I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. I’ve watched soooo many “friends” who have dated for 2 years or less go on to get married and start their lives. By the way, I haven’t been invited to any of those weddings, but I digress.

Was your bf invited?

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Anyway, it does make me feel sad that I’ve been with him for so long and no sign of marriage at all. He claims that I’m “the one”, but I’m a level-headed gal who believes actions speak louder than words. So to watch all of these “young” relationships develop much faster than ours does sort of make me feel not worthy. Like “what do these girls have that I don’t?”

Do not compare yourself to other women-ever. This is his issue. Its part your issue because you havent set any boundaries or made your needs known but he also knows what he wants and if its you I do not see the need for years of endless dating. Personally I would be straight forward-after all you are putting up with a lot already. Keep the emotion out of it:
" We have been dating for 5 years and you have told me I am "the one". I am curious as to why you do not want to marry the girl you say is "the one" after all this time. I want marriage and a future and a family and if your intentions are not to marry me then lets part ways now before it gets ugly."

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Nothing can make invisibility easier to deal with in any way, whether you’ve dealt with this your whole life or new to it. I used to be popular, always nice and people genuinely loved being around me. You can tell these things. Nothing about me has changed other than a few extra pounds, so what HAS changed? Why am I all of a sudden a plague these last five years? I have never done anything to any one of these people. I’m always friendly, supportive and smiling. I’m not so much worried about making friends at this point as I am worried about what in me has changed that people seem to not like.

You will never feel worthy if you are looking to base that one what other people think of you. Why assume that something about you has changed or is wrong? Maybe these people are a bunch of shallow, vapid assholes. Maybe they know you see through them and do not engage with you because of that. If you want to feel good about yourself or worthy or have purpose then find something to volunteer with. ANYTHING. From the soup kitchen to the senior center, reading to kids at the library, candy striper. Anything that involves giving of yourself and expecting nothing in return. I promise you you will feel better.

One thing is for sure, I’m not imagining or having a p