Oh yeah, that oh so lovely (not!) "startle response"! I know it well. Sounds like you are in a constant state of anxiety...and oh my yes but that is exhausting! Keep that hope for a better day alive. It can come. I am still jumpy on some sounds / tones etc., but not as much as I used to be. Time and therapy helps. Also quick little mantras I use....like....."this isn't that" "This" being, what made me jump THIS time, "that" being the origin of the problem. Make sense? "I'm safe, I'm OK" works well for me too. Anything, really, to help me break my emotional response from the past, and return me to the present.