Hi there, TheHopelessRunner. My thoughts on meds - good luck on getting a consensus on that topic! It seems like psych meds are a whole different animal. What works for one, doesn't do anything for another, and causes more problems for yet another. I know there are meds that are supposed to be great for helping BPD folk...and I'm not on any of them. Hopefully others here can help you more about those, and what you are on.

I am on citalopram - and have been for years - long before I was diagnosed with PTSD and BPD. So, my feelings about meds - finding the right one, or combination of, is a wonderful thing, in that they help treat the symptoms of whatever you have. It can take a lot of trial and error, to find what is best for you - but keep working at it, because it really can be a game changer! Therapy helps treat the cause, and gives you tools to use as you move forward in life.

A question for you to ask yourself - I don't need an answer - but, in regards to your marriage suffering, because of your suffering - does your wife know about your diagnosis? Does she know you are starting therapy for it? I know it seems silly to ask, but isn't. I have a tendency to not talk about such things to my own spouse, and have had to work hard to include him in what is going on with me. I'm learning that the more I do that, the better our relationship is becoming, because he understands better what I'm going thru, and that when I lash out, it really is "all about me" and not really anything to do with him.

Also - when you do have those paranoid thoughts, and are lashing out at her - do you know, at the time, that you are having paranoid thoughts, and lashing out? Can you, as CanDC suggested, put those thoughts and feelings on pause? Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. Sometimes, I'll stop myself in the middle of lashing out, having caught myself. Then, I apologize to my hubby...usually saying something like oops, sorry about that. That was me going off the rails. Didn't mean it. Just my emotions / thoughts / etc. overwhelming me.

It took me a long time, and a lot of hard work, to even get to that point. A proper diagnosis and therapy for the PTSD and BPD would no doubt have saved me time - so,...find a drop of hope that you have received your diagnosis, that fits and makes sense to you about what you are experiencing. Find another drop of hope in that you are getting therapy for it all. And I hope that what I've written will maybe give you another drop of hope, that your marriage can survive, and even thrive. How things are for you now, is JUST for now. It doesn't mean it will be like this forever. There is hope, HopelessRunner.