Stay safe, bluebicycle. Please DO listen to the wise and wonderful fern46 and her WISE AND WONDERFUL WORDS! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're hurting! Remember that you're absolutely real and that you can experience the same things as anyone here. Be kind to yourself! I hope your Pdoc will be able to help you and perhaps give you some Meds who may prove to be useful for you. In the meantime, try to hang on. Feel free to PM me anytime if you need advice and support or even simply someone to talk to and vent to! I am sure plenty of others will also gladly, kindly, wisely and wonderfully help you out as well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, bluebicycle, Your Family, Your Friends, Your Pdoc And ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're hurting!