My Support Forums - View Single Post - Husband can’t handle stress of daily life

sarahsweets · Sep 12, 2019 at 08:06 AM

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Originally Posted by BlueMerleGirl

I get angry when he tells me he is struggling, and I wish I could be more helpful when he does. He feels like he can’t talk to me about it but I just have no response. I already make most of the money and have the more difficult job, and do sooooo much more around the house even though he might not agree with that he just doesn’t see it. So what am I supposed to do when he complains he can’t handle daily life? The only other person left to do things is me if he isn’t going to do it and I already struggle with trying to be happy with what little he does do.

If he is really that depressed and its holding him back he needs Intensive outpatient therapy or regular therapy. He wont talk to you about it and is not happy. Have you asked him what would make him happy? There is always natural consequences. What would happen if you stopped doing his laundry, his dishes, cleaning up after him and even shopping? Would he just live in filth and starve? He needs to be inconveinenced or uncomfortable enough to change. That is usually how change occurs..we do not like something so it makes us change.

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I really want another baby(we just have one), but my husband can’t handle this so how on earth can he handle a second kid? He is willing to have one but has some concerns for obvious and valid reasons.

OMG do not bring another child into this environment now. It is so- almost toxic there is no way a baby will improve things- no matter what he says.

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I feel so disappointed in my life. I never use to feel like this but I am now disappointed my husband can’t be more “normal”. I don’t know why things are so hard and why I can’t have a husband who can handle life and handle a second kid. I just feel like it is so unfair.

You have a right to your feelings. If you do not want to feel that way you have to do something about it yourself. Waiting for him to get his act together isnt working for you now. You need to take care of only yourself and your child- let him take care of himself.

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Both my parents are dead, they both died in my early 20’s, and deep down I am just broken because of this. There’s a huge hole in our life where they should be and it makes my life 100x more difficult. Not having them for any kind of support or them being grandparents. His mother tries to help us out but she drives us both nuts.

I understand your pain. My dad died when I was 24- I am 44 now and only time made that better.

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I never thought I would think of leaving him and I don’t want to because I love him and for the sake of our daughter, but I feel like he is holding me back from what I want out of life sometimes. I just don’t understand why it has to be so hard all the time.

What is he holding you back from?

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The ironic thing is (If that’s the right word) is that I can support us on my income. It’s not quite the life style we want, but I can pay our bills and feed us and have some money beyond that. He was a stay at home dad for a while but while he’s decent at the “dad” part, he made me do virtually all household tasks, planning, shopping, and cooking and I was so resentful my blood was boiling. I don’t expect him to do it all but f*** if he is staying home he has better at LEAST do half the work or it is complete bull ****. And plus he is not happy being a stay at home dad. If he can’t handle life the only thing to go is his career, and we basically know that is not going to work based on past history.

You have to address that resentment with him or it will eat you alive. Say your peace and let him fend for himself.

Only when the pain is great enough, intolerable will we change.