Thank you for the responses. My username is actually something I do very well. Seems silly but running is a passion of mine. It's something I do well as I have entered races in the past and won them or came in the top 5. So I get what you mean listing things even how silly they seem.

I must admit that in the past I had a massive drug problem. I shouldn't say drug problem but I figured out drugs are a solution, not a very good one, but they are very effective at helping escape reality. I was addicted to shooting speedballs and smoking crack cocaine for about half a decade. I got clean for about 5.5 years and recently relapsed on crystal meth back in June. I was going through so much at the time that the creeping thought of escaping entered my mind even after being clean for so long. It's funny how the mind works. Well needless to say, I gave in. And after a couple days of using crystal meth, I felt normal. Had energy. Felt detached enough to exhibit barely any BPD symptoms. Then one morning I did too much and blacked out. I was so high during my black out, that I contacted someone for help. They suggested I get some heroin to help come down from the super stimulating meth high I was experiencing. Well in my black out, I bought some heroin. Which is not like me at all. But I ended up doing a good amount and overdosed. The heroin I bought was cut with fentanyl and I fell out while driving. Someone drove past my car and saw me slumped over and called 911. They saved my life in essence. It took the hospital 3 hours to revive me. They had to hook me up to a narcan drip to keep me from continually overdosing.

So not only have we been dealing with the BPD symptoms, we've been dealing with the relapse as well.