Marriage relationships can go through slumps. Your wife may be depressed that she is not in a place she had pictured herself to be. Perhaps she has been something to others but has not had something for herself and is at a stage where she is unhappy. A woman can have a husband and children and yet be very lonely. There can be a bit of a caregiver exhaustion/depression from always doing for everyone else. Some women meet other moms through their children and listen to these other moms talk about having their own jobs/careers and it can lead to them feeling unhappy if they don't have that themselves. If she did not paint for three years it may have been that she was too busy tending to her three children and you and just did not have enough time and energy for herself. Plus, her life was all about "boys" and at times a husband can be like "just another boy child too". I need a kiss, I want sex, I, I, I.

You share that you have been married for 9 years but we don't know how old your children are and if your wife has been an at home mother or did she have work or anything for herself. Having three children tends to lead to a woman having to be in a bit of a perpetual giving up herself for yet another young child that is so dependent on her. Always doing laundry, always cleaning up after everyone always looking for clothes and shoes for her children, always getting them up and off to school and if a woman is a stay home mom, always doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping and always tending to the needs of others including when the husband comes home and wants HIS needs met and her to listen to HIS whiining and to be there for him sexually.

You have not really shared all that much about "her" but how you feel and that you are sleeping on the sofa and you wanted to go to bed and saw her painting and felt cheated because she did not stop to give you a hug. I am wondering if she is painting after cooking dinner, getting the children to bed, picking up the kitchen, and is at least trying to spend time because she has a little bit of time at night where she can try to paint? I am thinking that when a woman says she is trying to work things out for the sake of "the family", that screams to me that she is very lonely and tired of being a constant caregiver to everyone else and is struggling to tend to "herself".

I do remember feeling very lonely in my own marriage, like I was the only adult and even later on when I finally got help my therapist told me that my husband was very imature and pushing my buttons to "mother" him and at that time I had a child the same age that my therapist told me was the maturity level as my husband.