Thanks for posing this very interesting question. I suspect a knowledgeable expert could write quite an interesting book on this topic. (Perhaps someone already has?) Can you control your thoughts & desires... what you find attractive even if, by society's standards, it's not right? No I personally don't think you can if by "control" you mean stop or change them. Just as an example, if that were possible, there would be cures for fetishes. But there are not. (At least none I'm aware of.)

My personal, non-professional opinion is thoughts & desires are "wired" into our brains at such a young age that simply stopping or changing them really isn't possible at least in most cases. (Some of it may even be genetic?) What is possible though, at least for some people in some instances, is to sit with the "power" of something like this, allow it to be there, but not become "hooked" by it. This is a basic tenant of Buddhist practice. But not everyone is going to want to or perhaps even be able to do this. In fact I would have to say the majority of people would probably not wish to tread that long & difficult path.

"What if you talk to other like minded people who have the same desires as you?" I think this can be a complex question. At its most basic level I would say no... talking about a thought or desire with like-minded people is not wrong. In fact it can, to my mind, be life-saving literally. This is one of the real benefits of the internet I believe. It provides the opportunity to find & talk with like-minded people on pretty-much any subject one could imagine. I know this is true because I lived most of my life in a world where, if there was something about you that was "different", you were completely isolated. And I can tell you, from personal experience, that can be hell. (At the same time, though, there can also be a darker side to this. While talking with like-minded people can be life-saving, it can also inflame thoughts & desires making them even more difficult to manage. This has, to a large extent been the case with me. These sorts of things can be more complicated than one might wish.)

There can also be a fine line, so to speak, one has to be cognizant of here. There is simply talking in a social sense. But simply talking can morph into something more complicated. Something similar can & does occur, I think, in the realm of relationships. What starts out as simply a friendship between two people can evolve into what is referred to as an "emotional affair". Another example is when watching internet porn goes from being a casual pastime to an addiction. So while I think talking with like-minded people can be beneficial... even vital in some cases... I think one has to be careful it doesn't evolve (or perhaps "devolve" is a more appropriate term) into something potentially damaging both to oneself & to others (those closest to oneself.) And where that fine line is can be difficult to discern.

That was a pretty long-winded reply to your question. Hopefully it wasn't too long. But your question is one that is central to a lot of what is of interest & even of concern to me. Thanks for posting it!