If you are able to go no contact it's not selfish. People who call you selfish are usually pathologically selfish themselves. I know what you mean by being a family scapegoat. That's the role I still have. My older adult sibling blames me for all her own choices and actions. She thinks she is a victim and has a right to punish me when she is not happy. I suspect it is similar to what you mean when you say they your family won't own their deeds and character traits. My sister always claims to be coerced even when she violently attacks someone in a loss of temper (the victim made her do it). She even claims she was manipulated into choosing her major in college when she did it to get attention. She blames the house for being messy and blames me for her choice to live here. I didn't go no contact because I thought she would outgrow this childish irresponsibility and temper tantrums. From experience I can tell you these conditions get worse with age if they do not admit to having a problem and get treatment. I didn't get out until she ruined my finances and my credit and I have nowhere to go. I always tell anyone who is able to leave to get out and don't feel guilty. You owe it to yourself to only be punished for your own choices and actions. If you have contact with them in the future make sure they cannot get access to your financial information or valuble assets. These people know you won't have the heart to turn them into the police for theft or abuse so it's better safe than sorry. I'm so glad you were able to go no contact. I wish I had known to do that when I was younger. Good luck!