That must be really hard to deal with, regarding the trauma from the other university. I totally get where you're coming from when you say you see it as a punishment. It's very, very hard to get past that, and I have experienced similar things myself where I think, "oh well they're just trying to be nice to me because I have schizoaffective disorder," or, "oh they're just covering their butts because I'm an awful person," etc., etc. I mean I could go on about the thoughts I've had re that, but I also have thought, hey the philosophy department must really hate my guts and stuff like that. I don't know, I have this weird thing where I like school but I'm also very passive-aggressive about it as well.