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sarahsweets · Oct 03, 2019 at 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plavins1

Its impossible to talk to him about this issue when hes sober, because hes like a time bomb. if you push the wrong button at the wrong time he will go off.
He actually wasnt drinking for 5 months, got a decent job, and even then, was keeping all the money, he has never paid a single bill ever, my mom is working for minimal wage, has to pay the bills, and he manages to yell at her and humiliate her that shes worthless, does nothing and so on.

I am an alcoholic in recovery. My dad was an addict. The fear and pain of waiting for the next round of chaos to start when an alcoholic relapses is devastating and nerve wracking. My dad never got sober and dropped dead of a heart attack in his driveway when he was 47 and I was 24. My alcoholism was late- not until my late 30's and I have been sober 7 years. I am 44 now.
There is nothing you can do for him or to him that will make him stop. You can only control what you do and help your mom. Who owns the house? Does she give him money? If she wants him to get treatment she needs to set a consequence. She needs to tell him he will have to leave if he doesnt get help. If he refuses and gets violent then the authorities need to be called. Or you two need to find your own place and leave him. If she makes the money she needs to stop giving it to him. If he freaks out she needs to call the authorities. She pays the bills and buys the food- he will not starve but if she gives him money or allows him access to money then he will continue to drink. If they have a joint account she needs to take out all of the money except what would need to be left to keep it open and open her own single account. If its his account she needs to keep her money away from it. She and you will have to make things as uncomfortable for him as possible. I learned through pain and consequence. If I didnt suffer I would never have changed.
Why should he change? He is an active alcoholic which means he is selfish and manipulative and angry. He is used to acting like a hurricane and getting what he wants. The only way to stop that is to take drastic measures and not enable him. You will need to take care of the grandmother but again, if he is drunk and combative, call the cops because then he is endangering the grandmother.

Quote:

Yesterday while drunk he took the keys from my other car, when i asked where he thought he was going he said that he had to take his drinking buddy home, when i told him to give back the keys because i will bare all the consiquences if he smashes someone, he just told me to **** off. I was dumbfounded i had nothing to say. Thank god he did not get caught, but to express such lack of interest in his own son's well being is just amazing.

I am not trying to be mean but you should have called the cops immediately and provided your car info and had him arrested. This went from being about him to being about public safety. What if he had killed someone? Forget about your car, it could have been a person. If he goes off driving in his own car stop and immediately call the police.