I'm sorry you are struggling. Basically, when I am in your position, which is fairly often, I just refuse to give up. Just don't quit. Keep fighting. And when it gets to be just too, too much, I go lay down and regroup. It has worked so far. Not sure where you are on the spiritual thing, but I also pray a LOT. It helps me enormously. So, don't give up. Power through it. You can do it. Even if it's super-hard. Sending you positive vibes.