Hello IVYCA: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. Welcome to Psych Central.
I'm so sorry you had to endure this disgusting experience.
Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support.
One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Women-Focused Support forum. Here's a link:
https://psychcentralforums.com/women-focused-support/
And then, since you mentioned your mother is alcoholic, the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum may be one to check out:
https://psychcentralforums.com/adult...of-alcoholics/
You wrote your family will never know what happened to you & you don't want them to know you need therapy. (And, of course, that is your choice.) It's not my place to tell you what to do. But I really feel like, somehow, you have to get past worrying about what your family (or anyone else for that matter) thinks & do what you need to do to heal. I know you wrote you just want to be normal again. But the experience you had is not likely to go away by itself. You can & you will be normal again. In fact you can be stronger than before. But that will only happen, I believe, if you get the help you need.
You mentioned you're in college. Perhaps there is a student counseling center you could start with? Is there any type of women's advocacy center near you that might have something to offer or possibly know of something? Are there any free or income-adjusted mental health services providers you could approach? Assuming you're in the U.S. another option might be to contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline:
About the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline | RAINN
1 (800) 656-4673
Here are links to a selection of 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives that (hopefully) may be of help:
Sexual Assault: What Is It? How to Empower Recovery for Survivors
Building Empowerment After Sexual Assault
https://pro.psychcentral.com/recover...exual-assault/
https://psychcentral.com/lib/coping-with-flashbacks/
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...dium=popular17
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...oholic-parent/
https://psychcentral.com/lib/finding...therapy/?all=1
https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-t...fford-therapy/
I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
