139 here. Heavily medicated with very sensitive job. Who knows where I'd have scored a few years ago.

When I was just coming to terms with my activly diminishing mental state a couple of years ago. I went for a local nurse practitioner supported telemedicine clinic. They're generally refered to as crisis centers. You do not need to be in active crisis to use their services. I got the wrong meds but they suspended my suicidal thoughts and made me comfortable enough to find a more permanent psychiatrist. Hospitalization sucks the first time, usually because law enforcement is involved. But each time I've gone it gets better. Heck, now if my level of dispair hits a certain point I consider checking in and I've got 50 miles to Loma Linda University Behavioral Medicine Unit, or 85 to A Cedars Home. Not going to lie, federal hospitals are scary orderly beat you up take advantage of you, how the movies portray. So if you can, try a walk in crisis center. If there are none, try a private hospital you can check in and a lot of AHCA policies cover a big chunk.