I've written her many eye-opening emails in the past that always made me nervous to see her afterwards. More times than not I would cancel the next session because I just couldn't see her face to face. For some reason, having a two-week break always helped, even though when I would come back I would insist we talk about something else. She would try her hardest to convince me that we should talk about my emails, but I wouldn't budge. I am the queen of avoidance. I think she is getting sick of my patterns. Usually she would try hard to convince me to come in after writing an email, saying something like..."please come in, I promise everything will be okay." And, she would always thank me for writing, because "I know how hard this is for you." This time, this is how the conversation went:

Me: "Just a reminder I won't be coming in this week. I'll keep you posted about next week"
Her: "Ok - thanks for telling me."
Me: "Did you read my email?"
Her: "Yes"
Me: "Are you angry with me?"
Her: "I am not going to discuss this over text. We'll have to talk about it."
Me: (after a whole day goes by and I feel like I need to see her because she sounds so angry): "Is my session this week still open?"
Her: "No. Sorry."
Me: "Do you have any other sessions open?"
Her: "I will see you next week."
Me: "Can we do a session on the phone?" (for the record, I have never asked for this before - I hate the phone - but I was feeling desperate)
Her: "No. We need to talk in person."

And that was it. I want to cry.