I don't think you're fake at all.

I wonder if removing cultural expectations would be helpful. I certainly would not like to live up to expectations of being rich/thin/successful in order to feel I was worthy.

We are all worthy - just by being born. It's not a competition IMO.

As for your wife - I think if she is still with you and still willing to make a life with you then that is a good place to start. You can do it together a bit at a time.

Wishing you peace.