Yesterday I have been to see my therapist. He's been treating me for the last 15 years, even if with interruptions. I had interrupted therapy about one year ago because I was feeling well and because I had my main issues addressed already, and because I had a best friend to motivate me...
So I contacted him again because he is the only person who really knows WHAT she meant for me. During sessions I used to name Mojca so often...
I also discontinued therapy because I was trying to achieve financial autonomy from my parents (which is kind of an issue when you are 48) and I coul not afford the fee.
He was very impressed and he said "let's just meet". He didn't want to be paid. So I told him the whole story and I cried a damn river. But it made me feel better because he is the only one who could understand fully the depth of my loss.
My family is helping me, but they never met Mojca in person. I never insisted on this and now I'm glad I did, or they would be feeling bad like me, because she was adorable, contrary to her own belief. In fact, she din't want to meet my family, she was sure they would have seen her imaginary defects and hated her.


Today I got some work to do (I work at home) and I did it. I'm growing tired but I know I must have patience. All my things are still. The windows laptop I only used for games is been closed since then. My folder of downloaded movies has not been opened since then. I'm in a limbo where sometimes I cry.

Now it's almost 3AM I think I'm ready for some guided meditation and go to sleep, finally.

Let me tell you that your inquiries are really appreciated.

In fact, I think I took advantage of you, I didn't mean to be this long.