Hello Rusername: You've already received a great reply from krashmajors. So I doubt there's a lot I could add that would be of value. However I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So I thought I would simply leave a brief reply saying welcome to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. I was thinking about your post after I submitted my reply. And the other thing that occurred to me is that, perhaps, this isn't really about sexual orientation at all? Perhaps what this is about is "emotional neediness" for lack of a better term? Maybe you're trying to fill a void in your psyche that was created as a result of a lack of parental emotional support?

You mentioned you had been able to create a powerful emotional bond with this male friend over chat. And he was always supportive & gave you tons of compliments. So, naturally I would presume, that would cause you (or anyone in that type of situation) to become attracted & attached to a person who did that.

There is a type of upbringing that is referred to as "Childhood Emotional Neglect" (CEN). Perhaps you're familiar with it? Here's a link to the CEN forum here on PC:

https://psychcentralforums.com/child...ional-neglect/

And then here are links to 4 CEN-related articles from Psych Central's archives. Take a look at these & see if any of this sounds familiar:

Childhood Emotional Neglect: The Fatal Flaw

7 Signs You Grew Up With Childhood Emotional Neglect

3 Ways Childhood Emotional Neglect Sets You Up For Adult Emotional Neglect

4 Cognitive Distortions Caused By Childhood Emotional Neglect