I can 100% relate to everything said on here. I haven't been diagnosed but I really think I do, and my Mom was diagnosed.

My intrusives come in two main varieties. The first is germs. This one I don't think is unreasonable, because I've endured custodial work for along time in a school district and a university. Kindergarten to grad school, those kids are NASTY!!! I deal with it by hand washing, sanitizers, gloves and masks, holding my breath when someone coughs or sneezes, and making sure to keep my skin moisturized to prevent cracks that could open it up to infections. I do feel panic when any of these actions have to be delayed, but for the most part I can live with this and don't think it's anything far out of the ordinary, or anything irrational.

The second type is what I haven't been able to deal with very well. Whenever I fail in anything (actual or perceived) or experience social rejection (actual or perceived), it starts a downward spiral of self-attack. I feel every old pain I've ever experienced as if it were happening again (I have a very vivid memory for sensations and emotions). My mind seems to act on its own repeating the thoughts that I'm worthless, selfish, stupid, weak, undeserving of friendship or love. I end up thinking that I don't have friends because other people are acting out of justified self-preservation in staying away from me. My self-esteem is fragile anyway, and can't withstand these assault. I try distractions, I try holding up a mental stop sign for these thoughts and then try to redirect the traffic, but this doesn't always work. Getting physical when I have these feelings usually works after a few days. Things that are physically empowering are usually emotionally empowering too. Nobody has to go all-out on cross fit or kickboxing; a brisk walk can be enough. Then I can come back to it with a fresh perspective and start challenging the thoughts with logic. That doesn't always work either, but sometimes it does.