I recall replying to your introductory post where you wrote about this concern as well. And I don't know as I have much of anything more to offer on the subject. However I noticed you had yet to receive replies to this post. So I thought I would write one.

The problem you describe may involve a number of different mental health concerns it seems to me. Perhaps this involves a lack of self-esteem? Perhaps it is the result of a lack of personal boundaries? It could be the result of something in your childhood such as childhood sexual abuse or childhood emotional neglect.

I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't tell you what's going on here. All I can do is to suggest some possibilities that occur to me. To really figure out what's driving you to do what you do, the best option may be to get with a psychologist or mental health therapist & work with them to figure out what's going on & what to do about it. My personal opinion would be that until you do this, no "quick fixes" are likely to be of much benefit.

I know I provided you with links to several articles, from PC's archives, when I replied to your introductory post. However here's a link to one additional article that may be of interest on the subject of why we keep repeating the same mistakes we've made in the past:

Repetition Compulsion: Why Do We Repeat the Past?

Best wishes...