My father is an alcoholic who was into harder drugs when I was young (I don't know about now). He was a partier and was rarely home. One of my first memories was of me asking my mom if dad was going to be home that night.

He was at times violent, though I was mainly too young to remember. My mom left him when I was around 3 or 4. After the divorce he would show up to take my brother and I out for dinner once in awhile or to take us to our grandmother's for holidays. Sometimes he would show up on birthdays. He was not really a presence in my life and he never put any work toward developing a bond with me. My older brother was closer to him - he had been born before the substance issues, and they bonded over sports later. My mom would tell me my father didn't know what to "do" with a girl :/ .

When I was 13 my father had an "oops" baby with a girlfriend. Their relationship didn't work out and my father didn't pursue visitation with the child. I still don't have a relationship with my little half-brother, even though I've tried to reach out.

Soon after that his now-wife moved in with him and suddenly we were expected to play happy family on birthdays and holidays. It was nice, I suppose, but it was a lot of pretending that everything was normal and we had a regular father/daughter relationship. We didn't. And there was always the underlying anxiety that he would drink too much and go into a rage.

I moved away and got married. I'm currently divorcing because I came to realize my husband wasn't emotionally capable of being in a marriage. I was ignoring my emotional needs because he couldn't provide anything in that capacity and I just wanted to pretend everything was fine.

I crave love and connection with a partner. I didn't get it from my father and I didn't get it from my ex. I've put myself out there and met some people. I clicked really well with someone and we text all the time. Which is great. But he's resistant to actually meeting. We were supposed to make plans to meet last night, but instead I just didn't hear from him all day.

He's not the only one. I have/had a "FWB" situation going on with someone who tells me they're going through some depressive issues (which I totally understand -BTDT). I've tried to be supportive and understanding, but he will go months without texting me, even if I text something simple like "You left x at my place - do you want to pick it up?"

Also, someone I was seeing over the summer ( I stopped seeing him because he'd disappear for weeks and ignore my texts) popped back up a couple weeks ago wanting to see me again. But since then he's disappeared (again) and is ignoring my texts (again).

I'm totally cognizant of the dysfunction and damage of my father's emotional neglect. How do I keep meeting this same dynamic in my romantic relationships???? I guess I rationalize it by feeling that SOME contact and affection from these idiots is better than nothing. Would it be healthier for me to tell them all to get lost? Or is that not dealing with the "relationship" issues and just shutting them out more harmful???