It’s sad, isn’t it. This is the paradox for someone with bpd and what makes always a lose-lose situation. Your main fear is to be abandon by the person you care, however at the same time, trying to sabotage this relation so the abandonment is more likely to take place.
It’s as if the constant suffering for the uncertainty of losing this person was even harder than the grieving pain for the already lost.

It’s not so deep but for a person with social anxiety is a little similar. The pain to fail in a social situation is even worse than the sadness for avoiding this social situation. Even both are considered failure.