Paper Roses,

So sorry, again, about your situation.

The roots and history of family dysfunction, estrangement, cold-heartedness, etc. are there in my family. It wasn't apparent when I was growing up. I internalized feelings of rejection and disapproval, worked all the harder to be "good", etc. Another familiar-type pattern, as well as others in the dysfunctional family "scripts". But it all fell apart, and the negativity came out, when my parents (divorced, so 2 separate times) declined and then passed away. I was trying to be "honest". Others would have nothing of it, or at any rate had views and opinions that they did not want, or were not able, to discuss. That's how it seems to me, anyway, my story, theirs may be different. All about how horrible and/or unacceptable I was. And, there, I was the one who walked away, after they would/could not address the issues I (sometimes intensely emotionally) raised.

My daughter likely had a view similar to theirs, although I don't think she's in touch with any of the family, either, currently. If she is, that is her business.

My sister and I inherited some property in common that necessitated our communicating about business. If it hadn't been for that I would not voluntarily be in contact with her and I doubt she would be with me. But sticking to business only has worked out pretty well -- I've been straightforward, mostly by email, and she's learned how to deal with me, as I have with her procrastination and overlooking stuff until I remind her again, etc. In the last couple of years she has expressed some appreciation for what I have done -- and in my emails I have consistently said "What do you think?" "Please let me know if you disagree about this." Etc. She expressed a desire to have a bit of a more personal relationship and we exchanged a few emails like that but there was some undying dynamic I just didn't like and didn't buy into. So we're back now just to business. Maybe we can find a way to move beyond that, maybe not.

40 years is a long time. Maybe the sister wants to try to apologize? And/or try to have a relationship of some sort? But without a history of doing that, I think it's hard, and my experience is that it is hard, to get something going at this point. Nevertheless. . .Maybe a smidge of good can come of it? What's the risk? Can you feel a way within yourself to protect yourself, in case something triggering comes up?