So, did a ton of reading last night and I personally feel I have a pretty good idea maybe of what is going on here. First, the counting is definitely an avoidance strategy. It allows me to avoid dealing with a fear or two. Second, I did some CBT while I was out for a walk last night and realized that one of the fears was actually completely irrational and not supported by facts. The facts strongly support the opposite, which is very calming. Third, the thing that I am most fearful of is actually my own, longstanding PTSD. I do not want to deal with it. You'll note I don't even list it on my sig, even though it is horrific and crippling for me. I don't really want to even acknowledge that I have it, for some reason or other. In short, I am afraid of being afraid again.

So, I need to figure out how to deal with all this. I did do something recommended on my 3 hour bike ride last night and forced myself to not count to 16 the entire time. It was anxiety-provoking, but I did it. Every time I started counting, I just brought myself back, kind of like when a thought comes by and you are trying to meditate.

I'll post a f/u when I know more. Thanks again for the help!