First, Welcome to PsychCentral. I see this is your first post.

I want to commend you on standing up for yourself and not taking their abuse any longer. I had to do the same thing; my family abused me so much I developed amnesia, clinical depression, complex ptsd and more.

Society beats into our heads that nothing is more important than family, but it doesn't take into account the fact that some people are monsters and can not take care of vulnerable children. And it sounds like your parents aren't capable of giving you the love you need.

Are you an only child?

Do you have a therapist? I had to go through years of therapy and am a recovering alcoholic, sober over 12 years now. It's been a lot of work, but I a grateful to be on this side of the abuse. It doesn't control me like it did.

Have you thought about therapy?