You're definitely in tough spot and making steps to get out of it are admirable. I think it's completely natural for your mind to wander. You're a mother of 6 children after all. I also loved someone who was not good for me. My therapist finally convinced me that I was in love with the illusion of who I thought this person was. Like an oasis, it was always in the distance. Breaking that emotional bond is hard, even for the strongest of people. Small, reasonable goals usually work best. I wish you good fortune on your journey!