I’m not sure if this should go under PTSD or sleep issues. I know I have PTSD so I guess I’ll start here.
A little of a back story: when I was 11, one night a family member came into my room while I was supposed to be sleeping and touched me inappropriately. I regret not doing anything about it- all I knew how to do was lay there and pretend to be asleep because I was afraid of being in trouble if anyone found out I wasn’t. After he left, I remember standing outside my mom’s bedroom just trying to figure out if I should tell her or not. I didn’t. Instead, I went back into my room and just sat there, scared.
It’s been 10 years. I have seen multiple therapists, although I’ve never taken medication for PTSD or the depression that I gained somewhere along the way. I even told my parents about what happened 2 years ago and I’ve gone as far as confronting the person who did this to me.. it didn’t end well because now most of my family thinks it was just some nightmare I had and I’m looking for attention.
I have two daughters and I’m at a point where I don’t trust anyone else alone with them aside from myself.
My main concern right now is I don’t understand why I’m still having vivid nightmares about the incident when it’s been 10 years and I’ve tried getting help. I don’t understand why I have to keep reliving it. Sometimes the nightmares go as far as the relative killing me because I try to call out for my mom and I feel actual pain and pressure.
I don’t know what to do and I’m just confused and I feel just as scared as I did when I was 11.