Hey bp!
I completely relate! I have OCD, and I count repeatively. Anything from ceiling tiles to simply counting forwards and backward to 100 over and over again. Counting rituals are considered compulsions, and are usually done to "conceal" the compulsion to avoid shame and embarrassment. I can usually keep the counting rituals under control, unless I'm under a tremendous amout of stress or a trigger comes along to disrupt my zen. My therapist and I have concluded that it only starts getting bad again when PTSD rears it's ugly head. LIke you said, I'm afraid to be afraid. I've learned that if I picture a stop sign in my head in the middle of counting, it usually helps stop the ritual. Then I can take a few nice, calming deep breaths and normally re-center myself.