(((Blue))) I am so sorry you went through all that you shared and that it could have been prevented had the doctors explored further and addressed the problem.

Please don't feed into the guilt and anger and instead work on your healing. Also, a big part of what you are experiencing is the HUGE hormonal shift taking place in you. Understand there is no way that developing fetus could have survived and try to be thankful you are living in a generation where your life was saved as in other generations women actually lost their lives not only in pregnancies, but during childbirth complications.

Part of your saddness and crying is due to the hormonal shift taking place in your body. Horomones actually play a huge role in women's mental health. Truth is, some women suffer from terrible post pardom depression even when they deliver a healthy infant. It's important you understand that so you can understand that what you are experiencing isn't just about losing a child all in itself.

Truth is, there are in fact a lot of things that can go wrong when a woman gets pregnant and she tends to feel all of it due to the tremendous shift in horomones. I experienced a miscarriage when I was almost 5 months pregnant. I went through a private grief and loss that was often feelings I could not even articulate.

Our brains often do not know how to really process a failed pregnancy. This is part of why you have been having these nightmares. Our nightmares are just our brain's way of not knowing what to do with what we experienced, they are questions, and often frightful ones, not realities. Seeing infants ripped from you in frightful ways is part of your brain just trying to recover from the fact that what happened to you was in fact traumatic and frightful. The reason it can be hard to sleep is that while we sleep our brain processes through rapid eye movements which hits a sort of switch in our brain that connects events to an area of the brain it can be processed and stored and it's stored in an area of our brain that is equipped with skills we have learned during our lives.

What can make sleep more challenging is our emotions, "it feels horrible, it feels like a life was ripped away and hormonally our body was preparing for that life in ways we are not quite even aware of". Human emotions are often nagging and can even be relentlessly so. However, it is these emotions that create a strong desire to understand, to learn, to prevent and not only perservere for ourselves, but to help others do the same. And when it comes to reproduction which is a huge driving force in all of nature Blue, there is a deep drive to need to remember in order to enact some act of prevention. This is something that brings out natures way of adapting to ensure survival of a species. Sometimes birds lay eggs that never hatch, for whatever reason that egg doesn't have something necessary for it to develop into a living healthy baby bird. There are plenty of fails in nature that we don't always see, but none the less they do happen all the time.

I am very sorry you experienced this, it's not your fault and right now, you must have patience so your body can overcome and gradually return to a hormonal balance where you begin to feel yourself, better again. Patience dear ((((Blue))).