Hey guys.
I am a senior in high school and will be moving away to another country for college withing months.
With this there are a lot of feelings flooding. I am currently in a relationship with a boy that I really really love. But things have been getting very difficult lately with us fighting over every small thing and him breaking up everytime the going gets rough. I keep begging him to stay, which he eventually does. And because this has already happened thrice, I worry that he doesn't love me anymore.
Moreover, at home the things have been hard. My parents, married for over 27 years, have been arguing and giving each other the silent treatment relentlessly. All the argument happens because of my grandmother who lives with us, but my father ofc always sides w his mother. This deeply hurts my mom. While I would have suggested getting divorced, it isnt very socially accepted in our backward indian society.
Both of these things have really been taking a toll on my mental health. I have severe anxiety and have previously been a cutter. While I want to go to my boyfriend and cry my heart out, i know i can't because he actually has been contributing to the problem. I have spoken to him about it multiple times but he just doesn't understand.
Moreover, I don't feel like going to college so far and leaving my mom here to suffer because she has noone to support her other than me. But going to college in the US has been a dream for me since forever. I feel the need to cut again. and i feel very sad and worry that I might be depressed. Getting anxiety attacks regularly now.

Please help me out. I don't wanna leave my bf. I don't wanna cut. I want to help my mother.