I am so sorry, blue. I have totally been there, many, many times. Not that that helps you, but you are certainly not alone in feeling this way, that's all I am saying.

I find interacting wiht other people who can personally relate is the most helpful thing to me. So, being on PC is really my go-to for getting through these times. Sometimes, a little distraction can help--a movie, trying to clean or cook. I like to do mindless little chores for my bike. Clean it. I do like cleaning for getting my head clearer. Even though I hate to clean. Some task to get my head onto other things. Something that isn't super hard, but that still requires some degree of focus.

Sometimes, just getting out of the house helps. A little walk. Looking at whatever is currently booming or blossoming wherever you live (not sure what is in bloom right now in Boston) always brings me some joy, even when I am miserable. Looking at the happy doggies out for a walk always makes me feel better. So on. Squealing, happy toddlers with their moms.

For me, doing something is always better than sitting in a chair and stewing. Ruminating is the absolute worst plan for me.

Maybe you can find something to divert your brain to for a little while today.

If it persists, please have a plan to keep yourelf safe. Call the crisis line. Call your pdoc/therapist/support people. Reach out here, as you are doinng--good job!!!!

Sending you love and empathy. Don't give up. Your brain is playing tricks on you. Don't let it win!!! This will pass. It will turn around. You just have to battle through it. And you can do that. You can totally do it.

I don't know you super well, but I really care about you.I want to help support you in getting through this time. I am around today and am happy to PM with you if that would ever help you.

Hang in there.