Blue I am so sorry you are struggling so hard I have been there . unfortunately. I think the main things that have helped me in the past is by putting as many hurdles between me doing something terrible that would devastate family and friends..

I have certain coping skills, Certain people I need to talk to, Calls to my daughter and my T and he only works 3 days a week so I might have to wait, which is good , Letters I would write.. the letters is the big red flag that I must get immediate help, that help doesnt always mean IP. And with the way things are right now I think they many Pdoc are offering temporary heavy hitter meds to snow people under to help them stay safe.

Can you keep taking you benzo right now? you need to sleep, it will give you a break. Call your Pdoc and certainly your T. Keep reaching out to people...

Im here if you need and ear.. Please do everything you can to stay safe