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Open Eyes
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Default Mar 26, 2020 at 02:56 PM
 
Quote:
I've had a very difficult day. My depression was the worst it's been in a long time. I was having a good day until I tried to talk to her. It's my fault. I had the poor reaction. It's my thoughts that ruined my day. But she was the one who triggered it. I haven't coped well today. I made myself sick. I suffered all day because of it. And now I dislike my mother more than ever. I blame her. She's totally insensitive. But still, it's my fault because I let her get to me. So maybe I should be down on myself. Maybe I should hate myself. I'll HATE my mother and I'll HATE myself.
Oh (((Deilla))), you are being way too hard on yourself dear one. When someone is insensitive like this "it hurts" and that is normal. You have a right to experience your own feelings. You can't punish yourself by simply being human, that simply won't do for your mental health which is what the depression is telling you.

What I just highlighted here is how you have turned your anger inward, that's what leads to the depression you are now experiencing. You are young yet and you still need to learn how not to give another person that much control over you. My saying that is not meant to "self punish" the way you are doing in what I highlighted.

In our lives we will encounter other human beings, both male and female that are not sensitive the the things we consider important and worthy of respect. It NEVER means things we achieve in our lives don't have value. All it really means is that it doesn't have value to others. YET, there will be other human beings CAPABLE of respecting the value and the effort you put into whatever you achieved. Most of the time the only way a person can respect and appreciate is when they themselves have to go through whatever the challenges happen to be in order to achieve what someone else has achieved. Or, even suffer what others have suffered through as well.

Unfortuantely, often a parent can be a LOUSY parent. I have seen that problem A LOT in my life. I have seen some bad things result from that, some very sad things that a child NEVER deserved to feel about themselves. Many times I have observed parents so self involved that their children don't get any good nurturing at all when they literally did nothing to deserve being ignored and emotionally neglected. Often their salvation happens when they come across a good caring mentor adult presence. A presence that CAN see them and appreciate them the way they deserve.

What I CAN tell you is you simply cannot MAKE another person appreciate and respect you. Especially if that person doesn't know how and they simply DO NOT have it in them. An apple is an apple and you cannot change it into and orange no matter how many letters you write. And if your mother leans narcissistic, the ONLY way to relate to her will be all about HER and how wonderful SHE is. She simply CANNOT do that for you. So you may as well learn that FACT. With that FACT you will need to learn how to NOT beat yourself up for that either which is what you are showing in what I highlighted. Your mother most likely is simply not going to have the kind of depth to her that keep wishing of her either. She is what is called "a shallow person". You are dealing with a car that has no engine and you keep going to try to start that car so you can get someplace with it, and it simply will not start up and run. And you continue to expect it to act like it has an engine and then you get upset and then you practice unhealthy self punishments.

It's better to look for a car out there that HAS an engine and CAN actually help you get places. And also, create a healthy engine within yourself so you get their on your own without needing other cars with no engines in them.

Last edited by Open Eyes; Mar 26, 2020 at 05:39 PM..
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Deilla
 
Thanks for this!
Deilla